Grief & the Feelings We Carry
Grief doesn't always begin or end with goodbye.
Sometimes grief begins the moment you hear the words, “Your child has cancer.” “You have cancer.”
You may grieve the life you thought you would have. You may grieve your child's routines or the feeling that life was predictable. You might have planned the next few years out without realizing it and now your world has been turned upside down.
And if your child has lost someone they love, grief can feel even more complicated.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.
You can be happy and still miss someone.
You can feel angry and still feel grateful for the time you had with your loved one.
You can have a good day and still be heartbroken..
You can feel relieved, confused, numb, hopeful, or completely overwhelmed.
All of these feelings can exist at the same time.
For Kids & Teens
You don't have to pretend you're okay.
You might feel things you didn't expect—anger, guilt, sadness, fear, jealousy, loneliness, or even nothing at all.
Sometimes you may want to talk. When you do, talk to your parents, friends, nurses, doctors, whoever you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with.
Sometimes you may want everyone to leave you alone. That’s okay too, express that you need some space to your loved ones. Remember, they are here to support you.
Sometimes you want to forget about everything for a little while and spend time with your friends doing the things you used to like going to the movies or the mall.
That's okay.
Your grief is yours. It’s okay to express it how you feel appropriate. Nobody is here to judge you, your care team is here to support you. That can look different for everyone, from sharing your feelings to discussing medications to help you feel better. Keeping an open line of communication with your parents and providers helps them care for you the best way possible.
For Parents & Caregivers
Watching your child experience cancer or loss can bring its own kind of grief.
You may feel like you need to stay strong for everyone else, but you are allowed to have feelings too.
You don't have to have the perfect words.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can say is:
“I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but I'm here with you.”
You don't have to fix grief.
You can simply sit with it, listen, remember, and be present.
When Someone Dies
After someone dies, grief doesn't just go away.
It changes.
There may be days when you feel okay and days when the smallest thing brings everything back—a song on the radio, a smell, a birthday, a holiday, food, or a memory just pops into your head.
Missing someone doesn't mean you're moving backward. It is important to continue to do things that help you move forward. That can look like going for walks, going to the gym, spending time with friends or family.
Grief means they mattered.
Finding ways to remember someone can be part of healing. You might create a memory box, write letters, look through photographs, celebrate their favorite traditions, make a playlist, or simply talk about them. If that feels too hard, take things one step at a time.
There is no right or wrong way to remember someone you love.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
Talking to someone can help. Surround yourself with the people who will support you.
That person or group of people can be parents, siblings, friends, nurses, social workers, child life specialists, counselors, teachers, coaches, or anyone you trust.
And if talking feels too hard, that’s okay! Write it down, draw it, listen to music, take a walk, go for a run, or simply say:
“I'm having a hard time right now.”
That's more than enough.
If you are grieving the loss of your child, there is a community to help. Zach’s bridge provides 1:1 support.
A reminder from Steph Connects
Never feel like your grief is on a timeline.
You’re allowed to feel your feelings when they come.
The important thing is that you continue to move forward.
It is normal to feel grief, hope, happiness, anger, sadness, love, and heal—all at the same time.